by Robin Kissee, edited MLA
Crime does pay in San Felipe! Just ask those jailbirds who paid fines at the Fat Boy's jail after the San Felipe B.C. Lions Club Deputies cleaned up the streets in downtown. Lions Club deputies roamed the streets looking for "perps" and citizen arrests were also made to break up the crime rings. After an arrest was made, a lawbreaker was given a time to appear before one of the judges: "Run 'Em Outta town" Rosemary Morris, "Flippin" George Popini, and "Reach for Your Wallet" Robin Waters.
At 10:30am the judges were waiting in front of Fat Boy's jail for the guilty parties to arrive. Some of the charges made against the bad guys included: running red lights, hitting pot holes, kicking the cat, or being perky or nice. Some seemed a little personal too, like Jeanne Pepler being charged with "starting Rumors".
Other reprobates included Steve Foreman, charged with being "pup-ular". And Nan Davis was caught for being a "karaoke junkie". Darryl Silva showed up in a red cape and was immediately charged with "impersonating a super hero". The shame of it all.
After the charges were read, the guilty took the adult libation of their choice (ahem) and were thrown into the cell for their 15 minute sentence. Prisoners were issued striped garb and given a tin can to collect their fines. No strip searches were deemed necessary since no TSA agents were arrested is the sweep.
John and Rachel Pack had the audacity to bring their dog, who entered and exited the cell at will. Some prisoners labored in their cells, while others complained about the injustice of being incarcerated. A few rattled the tin cups against the bars and waited for their friends to put a few pesos in the cup. Passersby also tossed coins to the incarcerated hoping to shut them up.
Then Wayne Chiavacci thought he was above the law and bribed the judge "Reach for Your Wallet" Waters. She took the bait and the judge landed in the hoosegow with the other criminals. The chaos continued with the Most Wanted Man in Town… Tom Edwards being arrested by multiple citizens and three different deputies. In the end, the law of the Lions Club prevailed and everyone was able to pay their fines and get out of jail.
All and all, the day in front of Fat Boy's was great fun and a successful fundraising event. People joined in the meting out of Lion Club justice by waiting their turn before the judge, taking pictures of the incarcerated, and lots of belly laughing at the shenanigans. The Lions Club event raised critically needed funding for local vision clinics and children's eyeglasses. Justice was served and no one got out of jail free. Citizens of San Felipe can sleep well tonight.
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